The Hell-Fired Pizza.

I want to establish from the outset that I am not a wimp when it comes to spicy food. Indian, Asian, Mexican… I love it all.

For lunch today, my husband ordered a meat lover’s pizza with chilli. It was delicious – until I bit into the hottest fuelled-by-all-the-power-of-hell piece of chilli I have ever experienced.

What I experienced at that point in time was way beyond taste, pleasure, or delicacy. It was excruciating.

My mouth was on fire.
I lost sensation in my lips, then almost passed out.
My eyes were streaming.
I was using bad words, but slurring my words.
My dear man thought I was just being funny. I wasn’t. This was one of the rare moments in my life where being a comic genius was not something I had in mind.

That supercharged little sucker burned my mouth, throat, oesophagus and stomach for at least an hour, only moderately assuaged by milk. I have had a persistent stomach ache for 9 hours, and my mouth and throats are still sore.

And now, the assault continues as the nugget of hellfire works its way through my system.
N e v e r  in my life have I experienced anything like this.

Suffice to say that while the volcano is not erupting hot lava,  it is definitely shooting out dangerous levels of sulphur and brimstone.  It’s probably worthy of an official health and safety warning.

At least there is one thing of which I can be certain: this, too, shall pass.
And that, my friends, is going to hurt.

pizza

Edit: On reading this, a friend sent me an article about two guys in New Zealand making someone eat a Fijian Bongo Chilli, which had exactly these after effects. He was suing them for assault.
I don’t blame him. 

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You Know You’re Tired When…

After teaching yesterday and then spending the night at school supervising the antics of my graduating Year 12 students, I have entered my 29th consecutive hour of being at work and awake.

I just spent two minutes wondering why I couldn’t correct a randomly occurring capital letter in an email I had already sent.

I have also just realised that there is no way to scull a Barista Bros Iced Coffee in front of 20 Year 9/10 students without looking needy.  Upon this epiphany, I reverted to sipping it in a casual coffee-house-with-minimalist-art-on-the-walls kind of way.

I need to go home.

Spirit Animals. 

While perusing the Book of Face this morning, I saw a photo of a beautiful horse that has been turned into the closest thing  to a real-life rainbow unicorn that you’re ever going to see. It’s magnificent!

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“Hey!” I said to my office buddy, who is always cheerful, positive and full of energy, “I found your spirit animal!”

I showed her the picture and explained,  “I’m sure your spirit animal is a rainbow unicorn!”

She laughed and then asked, “What do you think yours is?”

“Probably a pissed-off squirrel,” I answered.

Then we laughed, because we both knew I was right.

Tool.

Tonight, in a family Trivial Pursuit game, my brother asked: ‘What tool did astronomer Roger Thompson say is “fundamentally altering our view of the universe’?”

My answer: “Donald Trump.”

My brother: “Correct. AND the Hubble Telescope.”

All About That Daith… No Trouble!

Last week I posted about my new daith piercing and how it had banished the headache I had for the previous four days.

A week later, and I still haven’t had a headache. I can’t remember the last time I went a whole week without a headache… it may have been some time back when I was in high school.

I did have two flashes of pain on Sunday, like the ones I often get before a migraine sets in. Nothing eventuated, though.

I can’t really overstate how significant this is for me. This is little short of a minor miracle.

I still have my chronic pain from fibromyalgia and the pain and compromised movement from a lower spine that thinks it’s 85 years old, but I can manage that.

I have got through hot weather, busy days and work deadlines without tension. These things have always been headache triggers for me. One day I will get brave and eat some cashews, just to see if I pass that test.

People who didn’t know about the piercing have commented on how relaxed I seem. I certainly haven’t felt the tension I generally have before under those same conditions.

So, it’s a very happy “so far, so good!” From me.

If you suffer migraine or cluster/chronic headaches, it’s certainly worth considering a daith piercing. It still seems to be working for me.

A piercing experience!

In the last few months since hearing about the daith piercing and its effect in reducing/controlling headaches and migraines, I have done a fair bit of reading and research. 
I decided it was something I would do one day. I figured that if it had no effect on my headaches, I’d still have a cool piercing. 
This afternoon, after 4.5 days of a particularly nasty thumper of a headache and not much sleep, I made an appointment for 4.30pm. 

This headache had persisted for almost five days despite the not-for-the-faint-of-heart painkiller routine that I have for my back and other chronic pain.
The room and bed were super clean, the body piercer was knowledgeable and told me all I needed to know about this piercing. 

She also showed me information about this point in the ear, used in both acupuncture and acupressure to control not only headaches and migraines but also tension and anxiety. I was impressed by how much she knew about the non-body-piercing aspect of the physiology of the ear. 
The piercing itself took less than three seconds from start to finish, and all I felt was a quick sting. 
By the time I got home 45 minutes later, the intensity of my headache had already reduced by about half. The light sensitivity that I had experienced for days had disappeared, and I no longer felt sick turning my head from side to side. 
Usually, this kind of headache leaves me feeling exhausted and dopey, like I have been hit in the head with a rubber mallet, for a day or so after the pain itself subsides. 
As I write this, only three hours after the piercing was done, I have only some twinges of pain and none of the usual lethargy.  
Am I impressed? Heck, yes!
I wasn’t expecting anything so prompt or marvellous! And even if this turns out to be some hinky kind of psychosomatic/placebo effect, I’ll still take it. 

  

And, as a bonus, I have a really cool piercing. 

Nothing up my sleeve…

So, I forgot to tell the funniest part of last night’s fart story. 

After she finished laughing, she asked me, “Is that all you’ve got? Or is there something else up your sleeve?”

And I said, “That wasn’t up my sleeve, honey.” 

Riotous laughter ensued yet again. 

Kia Ora and going the Extra Mile.

Tonight I’m on a trans-Pacific flight from LA to Melbourne via Auckland. There are kids on this flight who have been on a trip to Disneyland courtesy of the Koru Care charity which is sponsored by Air New Zealand.  To continue the Disneyland experience, the flight attendants have all dressed up in fancy dress to serve the kids and make their flight more fun.   

 
Dinner and drinks were served by Minnie Mouse and Tinkerbell, while coffee was served by a CHiPS police officer.  

 
I have to say that he did take it very well when I asked when the rest of the Village People were coming out.

I’m so impressed by the continual efforts of the staff to do everything to make the flight memorable and fun. It’s a great war to promote the charity, too. 

They’ve also been wonderful to me after a very long and emotionally exhausting day. After a painful and tearful farewell followed by extended flight delays and an international connection time that was whittled down from 6.5 hours to 47 minutes, in which I managed baggage claim, terminal transfer with all my luggage, check in and baggage drop, security checks and getting to the right gate before they closed the flight. When I realised I had made my flight, I burst into tears of relief. The attendants were just lovely and so supportive, and did everything they could to reassure and comfort me. 

I love flying with Air New Zealand and I love the way they treat their clients. They’ve won me. 

The saga of Flight 781

Although I’ve done a lot of flying,
I’ve never had such trouble trying
Just to reach my destination
Due to airline procrastination.
We boarded the aircraft right on time
And taxied to the runway line,
But there we stopped for almost an hour:
The plane’s hydraulics had no power
And you can’t fly when that’s not working,
So after a lot of excuses and jerking
Around we had to leave that plane
And go through boarding once again…
The company found a new aircraft
For us, but the people in the last
Six rows got bumped to another flight
Leaving a little later that night.
Once we boarded, we sat and waited
And got even more frustrated:
There was a problem with this plane, too.
What a joke! What could we do?
We took off almost four hours late;
By that time things weren’t looking great –
Some had connections they wouldn’t make,
Others had kids who didn’t take
Too well to such extended delay.
Would we ever get to LA?
Down the back, a poor child screaming
Echoed what we all were feeling:
After all this helter-skelter,
Perhaps next time, I’ll fly Delta.