Who Says Gentlemen Don’t Exist Anymore?

Today I took my sister, my brother-in-law and my 86 year old dad shopping. Between my dodgy spine and Fibromyalgia, I generally walk slowly.  Imagine my surprise today, then, when I actually found myself walking faster than someone else in the shopping centre.

Sure, he was 90ish and had a walker, but he was very gracious and let me enjoy my moment.

Who says gentlemen don’t exist anymore?



Think About What You’re Asking.

My sister just called out to me from the kitchen while she was chopping vegetables.

Her: Are you two big vegetable eaters?

Me: If they’re big, we cut them up first.

Her: Huh?

Me: How do you even cook it unless you cut it up?

Her: No. That’s not what I’m asking.

Me: *looks at her expectantly*

Her: Do you eat a lot of vegetables?

Me: See now, that’s an entirely different question.

Her: *shows me the saucepan* Is this enough for four of us?

Me: No.


And she has the nerve to walk away rolling her eyes. Some people are just hard to please.


The Hell-Fired Pizza.

I want to establish from the outset that I am not a wimp when it comes to spicy food. Indian, Asian, Mexican… I love it all.

For lunch today, my husband ordered a meat lover’s pizza with chilli. It was delicious – until I bit into the hottest fuelled-by-all-the-power-of-hell piece of chilli I have ever experienced.

What I experienced at that point in time was way beyond taste, pleasure, or delicacy. It was excruciating.

My mouth was on fire.
I lost sensation in my lips, then almost passed out.
My eyes were streaming.
I was using bad words, but slurring them terribly.
My dear man thought I was just being funny. I wasn’t. This was one of the rare moments in my life where being a comic genius was not something I had in mind.

That supercharged little sucker burned my mouth, throat, oesophagus and stomach for at least an hour, only moderately assuaged by milk. I have had a persistent stomach ache for 9 hours, and my mouth and throats are still sore.

And now, the assault continues as the nugget of hellfire works its way through my system.
N e v e r  in my  e n t i r e  l i f e  have I experienced anything like this.

Suffice to say that while the volcano is not erupting hot lava,  it is definitely shooting out dangerous levels of sulphur and brimstone.  It’s probably worthy of an official health and safety warning.

At least there is one thing of which I can be certain: this, too, shall pass.
And that, my friends, is going to hurt.


Edit: On reading this, a friend sent me an article about two guys in New Zealand making someone eat a Fijian Bongo Chilli, which had exactly these after effects. He was suing them for assault.
I don’t blame him. 

You Know You’re Tired When…

After teaching yesterday and then spending the night at school supervising the antics of my graduating Year 12 students, I have entered my 29th consecutive hour of being at work and awake.

I just spent two minutes wondering why I couldn’t correct a randomly occurring capital letter in an email I had already sent.

I have also just realised that there is no way to scull a Barista Bros Iced Coffee in front of 20 Year 9/10 students without looking needy.  Upon this epiphany, I reverted to sipping it in a casual coffee-house-with-minimalist-art-on-the-walls kind of way.

I need to go home.

Spirit Animals. 

While perusing the Book of Face this morning, I saw a photo of a beautiful horse that has been turned into the closest thing  to a real-life rainbow unicorn that you’re ever going to see. It’s magnificent!

2016-06-21 19.00.25

“Hey!” I said to my office buddy, who is always cheerful, positive and full of energy, “I found your spirit animal!”

I showed her the picture and explained,  “I’m sure your spirit animal is a rainbow unicorn!”

She laughed and then asked, “What do you think yours is?”

“Probably a pissed-off squirrel,” I answered.

Then we laughed, because we both knew I was right.


Tonight, in a family Trivial Pursuit game, my brother asked: ‘What tool did astronomer Roger Thompson say is “fundamentally altering our view of the universe’?”

My answer: “Donald Trump.”

My brother: “Correct. AND the Hubble Telescope.”

All About That Daith… No Trouble!

Last week I posted about my new daith piercing and how it had banished the headache I had for the previous four days.

A week later, and I still haven’t had a headache. I can’t remember the last time I went a whole week without a headache… it may have been some time back when I was in high school.

I did have two flashes of pain on Sunday, like the ones I often get before a migraine sets in. Nothing eventuated, though.

I can’t really overstate how significant this is for me. This is little short of a minor miracle.

I still have my chronic pain from fibromyalgia and the pain and compromised movement from a lower spine that thinks it’s 85 years old, but I can manage that.

I have got through hot weather, busy days and work deadlines without tension. These things have always been headache triggers for me. One day I will get brave and eat some cashews, just to see if I pass that test.

People who didn’t know about the piercing have commented on how relaxed I seem. I certainly haven’t felt the tension I generally have before under those same conditions.

So, it’s a very happy “so far, so good!” From me.

If you suffer migraine or cluster/chronic headaches, it’s certainly worth considering a daith piercing. It still seems to be working for me.

A piercing experience!

In the last few months since hearing about the daith piercing and its effect in reducing/controlling headaches and migraines, I have done a fair bit of reading and research. 
I decided it was something I would do one day. I figured that if it had no effect on my headaches, I’d still have a cool piercing. 
This afternoon, after 4.5 days of a particularly nasty thumper of a headache and not much sleep, I made an appointment for 4.30pm. 

This headache had persisted for almost five days despite the not-for-the-faint-of-heart painkiller routine that I have for my back and other chronic pain.
The room and bed were super clean, the body piercer was knowledgeable and told me all I needed to know about this piercing. 

She also showed me information about this point in the ear, used in both acupuncture and acupressure to control not only headaches and migraines but also tension and anxiety. I was impressed by how much she knew about the non-body-piercing aspect of the physiology of the ear. 
The piercing itself took less than three seconds from start to finish, and all I felt was a quick sting. 
By the time I got home 45 minutes later, the intensity of my headache had already reduced by about half. The light sensitivity that I had experienced for days had disappeared, and I no longer felt sick turning my head from side to side. 
Usually, this kind of headache leaves me feeling exhausted and dopey, like I have been hit in the head with a rubber mallet, for a day or so after the pain itself subsides. 
As I write this, only three hours after the piercing was done, I have only some twinges of pain and none of the usual lethargy.  
Am I impressed? Heck, yes!
I wasn’t expecting anything so prompt or marvellous! And even if this turns out to be some hinky kind of psychosomatic/placebo effect, I’ll still take it. 


And, as a bonus, I have a really cool piercing. 

Nothing up my sleeve…

So, I forgot to tell the funniest part of last night’s fart story. 

After she finished laughing, she asked me, “Is that all you’ve got? Or is there something else up your sleeve?”

And I said, “That wasn’t up my sleeve, honey.” 

Riotous laughter ensued yet again.