Spirit Animals. 

While perusing the Book of Face this morning, I saw a photo of a beautiful horse that has been turned into the closest thing  to a real-life rainbow unicorn that you’re ever going to see. It’s magnificent!

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“Hey!” I said to my office buddy, who is always cheerful, positive and full of energy, “I found your spirit animal!”

I showed her the picture and explained,  “I’m sure your spirit animal is a rainbow unicorn!”

She laughed and then asked, “What do you think yours is?”

“Probably a pissed-off squirrel,” I answered.

Then we laughed, because we both knew I was right.

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No Wonder I’m Confused.

Today I was talking with LMC about why it is good to learn French, and where people speak French around the world. I told her that she would need to speak French if she wanted to go to Canada. 

“Can we just not go to Gettysburg?” she asked. 

“Gettysburg isn’t in Canada!” I said.

“It’s not?”

“No. It’s in America. It’s where there was a really decisive battle in the American Civil War, and where Abraham Lincoln delivered an important speech called the Gettysburg address.”

“Abraham Lincoln. Wasn’t he the guy on a coin?” 

“The guy on a coin…”

“Yeah, and if you’re under a bridge and it falls down on you, it’s good luck.”

“Dude, if you’re under a bridge and it falls on you, it’s not good luck.”

“No, I mean if the coin falls on you…”

“The coin with Abraham Lincoln on it.”

“Yeah!!”

The Importance Of Listening. 

We had a family afternoon today. Because it’s a school night, I had sent LMC for a shower so that she could wash her hair. Sitting around the table after dinner, LMC was playing with the dragonfly pendant hanging on the chain around her neck. 

LMC’s mother said to her, “Make sure you change your necklace before school tomorrow.”

Indignant, LMC said, “I already changed them!”

We laughed hard, and LMC just looked at us oddly. 

“Necklace, honey. Not nickers.”

“Ooooohhhhhhhh!” she said. Then she laughed, too.

Fun times.

There’s a Bear in There…

Some months ago, I was driving in town with LMC in the car. 

We passed a big blue house that I pass every day on my way to work. 

“That’s where the bear lives,” I said.

“What bear?” LMC asked.

This surprised me, as she watches a fair bit of TV and I thought she’d get the joke. 

“You know… the bear in the big blue house? Like the TV show?”

“Never heard of it,” she said. 

Typical. All was silent in the car except for the sad sound of a great joke falling over and dying.
I didn’t think any more of it. In fact, I had entirely forgotten about it until last Sunday when we were all having dinner together. 

“Hey,” she said, “I told my friends about the big blue house in Warrnambool, and they didn’t even know that’s where it was. They thought it was in America somewhere.”

“What?”‘I asked. 

“You know… that TV show. You showed me the house…”

Trying not to laugh, I looked at her and said, “You do realise I was joking? It’s just A big blue house… not THE Big Blue House.”

“But I told my friends! And they wanted autographs.”

“Which you were going to ask me to call in and ask for?”

“Well… yeah.”
This kid never misses an opportunity. I’m just lucky it ends in laughter most of the time. 

Overthinking.

LMC is at our place tonight. The weather has cooled down this week, so she’s discovered that the clothes and pyjamas she has here aren’t sufficient to keep her warm.

My husband said he’d lend her a pair of pyjamas, and walked away to get them.

Her teenage mind instantly went into overdrive.

“Then what will HE wear?” she asked me with a mischievous grin. Then she said, ”
Oh, never mind…”

I rolled my eyes, as I do so enjoy doing.

“He’s got more than one pair, you know!” I said.

“Oh.” Her laughter was a definite giveaway that she had immediately jumped to a rather bare conclusion.

So, he gives her a lovely newish pair of flannel pyjamas that he hasn’t worn since he was in hospital about 18 months ago.

“Oh,” I said, “those are the nice ones I bought for when you were in hospital.”

“Eeeerrrrrr!” she grunted. “I don’t want to wear them!”

“They’ve been washed since, you know!” I said.

“Oh. That’s okay, then.” And with that, she picked them up and took them to her room to get changed.

When she came out, she said, “It’s a good thing I’m not a boy. Although if I was, it would be okay cos these have got that awkward hole thingy in them.”

“If you don’t need the awkward hole thingy, can’t you just ignore it and wear them anyway?”

“Well yes… I was just saying.”

“Well, I’m just telling you to change the subject,” I said firmly.

And then we found something for her to do so that she has something else to think about.

I wonder if she has these conversations with her mother, or if she just saves them up for me.

Again in Trivial Pursuit:

My brother: “What part of a man grows 12-15cm per year?”

Me: “It’s a lie!” followed by lots of inappropriate laughter.

Nobody else laughed. 

It’s okay. I’m sure they were laughing on the inside. 

Tool.

Tonight, in a family Trivial Pursuit game, my brother asked: ‘What tool did astronomer Roger Thompson say is “fundamentally altering our view of the universe’?”

My answer: “Donald Trump.”

My brother: “Correct. AND the Hubble Telescope.”

My contribution. 

My husband is spending today door-knocking and collecting in  for Red Cross. 

We met at the bakery for lunch, where he asked the baker for a donation.

A lady turned to him and asked what he was doing. 

“He’s walking the streets to make money,” I said. 

Everyone laughed, so I added, “… bet he would have made more if he’d borrowed my fishnets.”

It’s official. I’m hilarious. 

Racking up the laughs.

This morning, my man made bacon, eggs and grilled tomatoes for an Easter Sunday breakfast. 

One of our guests dropped a little on her white skirt and commented that it was going to be hard to get the mark out.

“Make-up wipes will get it out,” I said helpfully.

“Oh, thank you! Great tip!” she said. 

Just as she was putting more food in her mouth, I leaned over to my husband and whispered quite loudly, “She said I’ve got great tits!”

Just as I had hoped,  my friend nearly spat her food out again as she laughed. 

And then, as diplomatic as ever, my husband said,”I don’t think that’s what she said.”

“As if she didn’t,” I said, indicating the general area, “Check ’em out!” 
And then nobody knew what to say.

Good times. 

Tonight’s public service announcement.

I would just like everyone to know that Sean is really, truly, great. 

He always listens. He cares about me and my life. He encourages and defends me. He is a truly great friend and brother.

He reminds me that being under-appreciated is worse than being overworked or underpaid, and then he shows that he appreciates me.

And then he makes me laugh with inappropriate humour.

How could I not love this guy? 

  

I’m so glad we adopted each other. I’m so glad he is as happy about that as I am.